PreMarital Bliss
by S Girlie
Summary: Are Sasuke and Naruto up to the challenge of marraige? the two decide to live together before they actually get married... hilarious senarios ensue..sasunaru yaoi COMPLETE
1. When Drunks Attack

Sasuke was very impatient.

It had been three hours and Naruto was very, very late. Sasuke looked at the clock, it was 12:35 pm. He was worried sick to say the least. He sat hunched over the window, waiting for the familiar sound of steps outside of the apartment followed by the merry screech, "SASUKE LET ME IN!"

In the past 3 months since they had been engaged nothing had been going smoothly. Ever since they had moved in together, there had been endless arguments over ever little thing, from shoe laces to punch bowls. And on top of that Naruto had a horrible sleeping disorder, which caused him to sing "who let the dogs out" over and over again in his sleep. Sasuke was not a happy camper, he hated the Baha Men. The only thing that had kept Sasuke sane for the last 3 months was the incredible sex, yes, the sex. Sasuke was glad to have Naruto in the bedroom, so long as he kept him up all night. Sure it made Naruto cranky after a while, but who could deny His talents in bed!

Still Sasuke had hoped that things would calm down over time. Naruto had said he was going out to the ramen bar with Jiraiya, but for some reason he was on the edge. there was no reason to be worried, and yet he felt the need to have his lover by his side. There was a thick paranoia running through his veins, like nothing he had ever felt before. He knew it was only a matter of time before something drastic happened, something that would alter his life as he knew it.

Sasuke heard unusual trudges outside of the door, like an elephant ready to stomp on a mouse, there was a large bang as the door was thrusted open to

reveal a Naruto who had eaten way too much ramen for his capacity.

"Naruto, What the hell! What took you so long!" Sasuke yelled, obviously annoyed by the sickly looking boy.

"Fuck you," Naruto angrily replied, "Who are you to say how long I can stay out!" He seemed to be turning paler by the second.

"Some one who cares about you, moron!"

"Well it is Sunday… or is it Monday? Tuesday Perhaps?" Naruto seemed less intelligent than usual.

"Whatever idiot," Sasuke gave in, to tired to fight with the cranky boy. He took a moment to examine him, Naruto looked as if he was about to feint, that or throw-up

"Hey Naruto..."

"What!"

"You look pretty bad... Maybe you should rest," Sasuke coaxed him towards the bedroom, hoping that he would not protest his suggestion.

"Noo... I don't wanna sleep Sasuke... I wanna watch TV and stay up late and make love to you, sexy!" Naruto whined absent mindedly.

"Look Naruto. You are obviously not feeling well, we can do all those things tomorrow... In fact… tomorrow we will definitely have sex." Sasuke protested, "Let's go to bed."

"OR... I could fulfill my life dream and we could do it in a convenience store, in the freezer!" Naruto slurred running into Sasuke,

glomp

" Come on Saucey-poo, you know you want some of this!" Sasuke could now smell the alcohol on his breathe.

"Naruto... Have you been drinking?"

"Too much talk… let's fuck baby!" Naruto forced his tongue into his mouth. Sasuke quickly pushed him away, causing him to stumble onto the floor.

"Naruto stop this foolish behavior!" screamed the now infuriated Sasuke.

"Make me! You stupid, stupid head!" Naruto stuck out his tongue, "Nah!"

"Naruto if you do not go to bed willingly, I'll force you to!" Sasuke yelled at the horny drunk.

"Ooh... I'd like that sweet-ums," He said slowly pushing his way towards Sasuke,

"You know how I want it... nice and rough!" He finally had gotten up only to fall yet

again, into Sasuke's crotch.

"Th-That's it Naruto!" Sasuke stuttered trying to keep the situation in his pants under control, "You drove me to this! You have until the count of three!"

Naruto giggled, "Naruto so horny, he love you long time…"

"One!" Naruto slowly unzipped his pants, to reveal a very excited Sasuke who despite his protests, knew he wanted to get down and funky with him.

"T-Two..." You can just imagine what Naruto, while on his knees, did to a very excited Sasuke who despite his protests, knew he wanted to get down and funky with him.

THREE! EWW!" You can just imagine what a very intoxicated Naruto, while on his knees, did to a very excited Sasuke who despite his protests, knew he wanted to get down and funky with him... If you guessed "throw-up all over Sasuke's thunder" Well then, you were correct.


	2. Pleasure of the dark kind

Hello again this is Sorrosa Girlie with the next chapter of my fic Premarital Bliss... I hope all of you enjoy it and if possible review it... reviews make me happy! make me want to write more!

So review damnit...

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To put into simple terms, Sasuke was very, very pissed. So pissed in fact, he decided to storm off, leaving a drunk Naruto home alone. Not that it was a good idea, who knew what was in store for all his worldly possessions? With an intoxicated Naruto around, nothing was safe... But who in their right mind wouldn't have left? I mean, Naruto was very drunk, very rude, and had hurled all over his manhood... Damn straight he was angry.

So why did Sasuke want to run back home and pin him to the wall and make hot monkey love to him? The answer was simple for a slobbering drunk idiot, Naruto was pretty sexy. So sexy that Sasuke had a hard time staying upset with him, because he knew that if it wasn't for the whole puking ordeal, he would have had the idiot screaming his name by now... He knew it was wrong to take advantage of people when the weren't in their right minds, but this opportunity was too hard to pass up. Naruto was too drunk to put up a fight against all of Sasuke's sadistic fantasies!

It was then Sasuke had made his decision, he was going to quickly turn around and sprint back to the apartment to have kinky sex with Naruto. He put his plan in action, running at top speed home, but while running past the corner of the apartment building where he lived, he had ran into the probably last person Sasuke had wanted to see...

"What's the rush, sexy?" murmured the dark figure underneath the street lamp, "Why don't you come over hear and show me what you're made of..." Sasuke had froze. The voice of this person was vaguely familiar, he had recognized it as someone from his past... but who?

"No thanks. I'm not interested..." he paused turning toward the street light to catch a glimpse of the harlot, but was disappointed to see an empty corner. No matter... he had to get home before Naruto had already passed out, before it was to late to take advantage of him. Sasuke spun around to continue his dash home whean almost immediately Sasuke felt a disturbing warmth against his back.

"What is this magnetism that draws we two together?" Chanted the taller male kissing Sasuke's neck softy, "Again you are crushed in my arms, like a delicate flower!" The man began to stroke Sasuke's sides, hoping to get a reaction of some sort.

Sasuke's body went cold, unable to stop the older man from touching his body he felt helpless, like a deer caught in the headlights, "Please. Let go of me."

"Oh, but Sasuke..." The mysterious man began to caress Sasuke's thighs, "I know you will enjoy this as much as I will..."

"Stop..." Sasuke protested, thinking of his dear sweet drunk fiance at home, but his body was working against him... he could feel the excitement rise as the man's hand slowly worked it's way up. He did not fight off this gentlemen of the night's advances.

"The name's Dark Pleasure..." The male whispered into his ear giving him a soft kiss below the ear, "and I've come for you Sasuke..." The man began to move his hands down his boxers causing Sasuke to softly whimper, "I just have to know one thing..." He began to massage him slowly as Sasuke's body gave into the temptation. "...What would you give to fulfill your wildest fantasies.."

Sasuke moaned... he cursed his unfaithful body, sucumbed to the calls of a stranger, so easily excited by the touch of hand... a touch which disgusted him... a touch which made him feel disgusting... a touch which had betrayed the one he loved.

"...What would you do to attain your greatest desire?"

His thoughts raced... his mind, conquered by the overwhelming guilt of allowing his body to harden... He had no respect for himself, or what he was ready to do.

"How much would you pay for your darkest pleasure?" With the other hand the male reached for Sasuke's zipper, only to feel the cold familiar wetness of fresh puke, curtesy of Naruto.

"EW!" Screamed the male, jumping away from Sasuke, "What the fuck what that!" Now free from the male's love embrace, Sasuke turned to finally confront his Seducer face-to-face.

"..." He was shocked. Who would have guessed that Mr. Dark Pleasure, was none other than his brother Itachi in a pair of Akatsuki print hot pants? But before Sasuke could even respond to being seduced by his older brother, yet another familiar face appeared before him.

"YO BITCH! WURRS MY CASH!" Kisame stormed into the scene from his Purple Cadillac.

"M-M-MAC-DADDY?" Itachi was shocked, his skin pale from fear, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS HO! PAY ME!" Wearing a purple suit with matching hat, Kisame was obviously Itachi's pimp. Itachi quickly tossed a roll of hundreds at him.

"Feels lighter then usual... you better not be trying to pull one over me ho!" Kisame snarled, annoyed by lack of respect his whore was showing him.

"Look Mac-Daddy Kisame. I'm short five-hundred, I've been trying my best, but I've been having difficulties finding clients willing to pay my hourly rate. There's Nothing but broke-ass niggas look'n for sex these days..."

Kisame sighed, "That's not my problem bitch, either you get your act together, or I'll have to slap some sense out of you!"

Itachi Flinched. He could still feel the sting from their last confrontation... Itachi could still remember the violent beating he had received when he had tried to leave his life of prostetution. What could a ho-in-distress do to save his sorry ass... he had only one option.

"Pwease Mac-Daddy?" Itachi lunged at him, wrapping his leg around him, "Forgive me just this once?"

"Well I don't know... five hundred dollars is a lot of money... you're going to have to make it up to me somehow..." Kisame teased at the whore already planning hi kinky agenda.

"I'm sure there's something I could do for you Kisame... something worth your while..." Itachi began to kiss him passionately, ah! the powers of seduction! That was all it took for Itachi to have his way, The only slapping he would receive tonight would be sadistic slaps from a shark man.

"TO THE PIMP MOBILE!" Kisame screamed, picking Itachi up cave-man-style. He then briskly jolted into the back of the car. Gentle Rocking. Steamy windows. Soft Moans. You get the picture. Car Sex... pass it on...

The whole time Sasuke stood there in shock. Tonight he had witnessed two things he had never dreamed of... A drunk horny Naruto and A not-so-drunk horny Itachi. There was only one thing he could do at a time like this, when your uke wants to be a seme and you are aroused by your own brother... You can just stand there... Looking stupid. Unfortunately for Sasuke, he could not do that, because as he stood there, Naruto was searching the streets for him... correction A very intoxicated Naruto was searching the streets for him.

"SAAAAAAA-SUKE!" Naruto screeched unable to get himself out of the gutter he fell in, "IF YOU CAN HEAR ME THE ALIENS ARE WATCHING!"

Sasuke twitched. If there was one thing that could awake him for horrifying shock, it was a completely irrelevant comment from a person he cared about who happened to be drunk, stuck in a gutter.

"I WISH SASUKE WAS HERE!" Naruto rambled in hi state of... being a complete idiot, "Then we could have sex right here, right now..."

Yup. Sasuke snapped out of it. Too disturbed and confused to turn down Naruto's offer of hot gutter sex... So to simply put it, Sasuke released all of his sexual tension on the poor, poor idiot. And in the end, they where both too tired to move so they simply slept in the gutter they had sex in... Only to wake up to have a crowd surrounding them in their state of... nakedness...

Moral of the Story- Itachi is one sexy man-whore... so damn fine...Oh! and Alcohol, Sexual Tension, Stupidity, and Gutters do not mix! unless your name happens to be Uchiha Sasuke...

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That's all for now! Remember to review... 


	3. The Naked Walk Home

Hullo people! Thank you muchly for da reviews! here is the next chapter of meh fic! I am so happy! I dunno why but I am!

DISCLAIMER! I forgot to disclaim for the other chapters so... yah. I don't own Naruto.

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It was probably the hardest thing Naruto and Sasuke had done as a couple, to stand up, gather their belongings together, and walk back home from the gutter they had screwed each other in the previous night; of course it doesn't help when there are tons of people staring at you!

But how could you blame the crowd? Think of it this way... Two hot gay men lying naked out in the open... Now that was one hell of a sight to see! Many of the women in the crowd had bloody tissues up there noses, even some of the men!

In Sasuke's mind there was only one thing to blame for this entire ordeal, and that 'thing' happened to be walking right beside him, with an enormous blush across his face... You would be blushing too if you where in his position...

Someone had stolen his pants...

And his jacket...

And his shirt...

And everything else...

Too embarrassed to run, Naruto was forced to walk the streets... Naked... In broad daylight nonetheless... So of course Sasuke was embarrassed... Now the whole world had a free peak at what he had done to Naruto the night before... Scratches... Hickeys... And bite marks in places he'd rather not mention... He had nothing to offer Naruto to wear, for the simple fact that he too was victim of the clothes thief... And was left with nothing but his vomit encrusted pants... Which led him to conclusion that, upchuck, along with tie-dye shirts, was not currently in style.

"You know this is all your fault," commented the no-longer-drunk-but-has-one-hell-of-a-hang-over Naruto, "if you hadn't pinned me in the street this mess wouldn't have happened..."

"You were the one begging ME to fuck YOU," Sasuke mumbled, "you know better than to tempt the tainted..."

"So your saying you have less control than your completely intoxicated partner?" Naruto shot back him, "So your saying that you are some sort of dog humping the legs of the willing?"

"Naruto, just shut up and walk..." Sasuke commented trying to keep his temper in check in front of the many people staring at them.

"Asshole, just take responsibility for raping me last night... You horny pervert..."

"You can't rape the willing"

"Quit acting like you have a stick up your ass and admit it..."

"I admit nothing."

"Fucker."

"Moron."

"Bastard."

"Moron."

"Lecher."

"Moron."

"...Stupid-Head..."

"I will no longer play your childish game naked-man."

"Just admit that I am right..."

"This whole fucking ordeal wouldn't have happened if you had not came home drunk last night!" screamed the must-have-gotten-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-street Uchiha who had happened to forget about the many spectators, following them on their way home.

"Well then, let's just all blame the naked guy! Be glad you still have your puke-pants!" Naruto whined, "You didn't even didn't even ask if I wanted to where them!"

"Oh? So you want to wear the pants?"

"Yes..."

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE PANTS!" Sasuke glared at the blonde, "consider it your punishment for hurling all over them..."

Naruto had only one option if he wanted to keep some of his dignity... He had to steal some of Sasuke's...

"GIMME THEM PANTS!" Naruto lunged at his legs, pulling at the leg of his pants, little did Naruto know that this act of pants-ing would only result in even more embarrassment for him...

"Oh, so you want them off me so badly, huh?" Sasuke looked as if he was about to bite off someone's head, "Well here, fucker! Let's all be good children and share!" Sasuke then teared his only article of clothing off of his body... Causing yet another problem for the two.

With the new site of Sasuke's thunder the crowd went into a euphoric riot commonly associated with fangirlism... Many where seen running around screaming for joy while others where on the ground convulsing from lack of blood... There where girls running every which way, screaming at the top of their lungs naughty words describing the two... Naruto and Sasuke where screwed.

"Crap! Crap! Crapitty-Crap-Crap!" Naruto yelled, "How the hell are we gonna get home now!"

"Get home! That's the least of our worries!" Sasuke hollered in frustration, "If we don't get out of here now we'll both get raped!" the two looked at eachother in agreement, they had to get out of there, or they would be gang-banged into a mushy pulp by their horribly horny fangirls. Luckily for them their good friend Gaara had seen the ordeal through the window of the coffee shop where he was eating his morning muffin and had come to asist them.

"What the fuck!" Naruto ackwardly greeted his friend, "Gaara what the hell are you doing out here!"

"Uzumaki. Uchiha. I see that you are naked..." Gaara held down his blush, from the window he did not see that the two where nude, "...and in need of some assistance."

"Hn," Sasuke scowled, Gaara was the last person he'd accept help from, "Like there'd be anything you could do to help!" Gaara and he were not exactly close friends, they where bound by Naruto and nothing more... which was a reason not to trust him. He felt he was a threat to him and Naruto's relationship, Gaara was close to Naruto, a little too close...

"He's right, Gaara!" screamed the upset blonde, "These chicks are mad whack! Save your own ass and get the fuck out of here before it's too late!"

"Well then, I guess I'll be leaving..." Gaara slowly turned, with a sinister smirk on his face, "But first, a suggestion... Why not just use sexy-no-jutsu to sneak out of this place? Sasuke can copy it with his Sharingan..." He then walked away as the river of swarming fangirls parted for him. Sasuke considered his words... It didn't seem as if it would work, but it appeared they had no choice...

"Well..." Sasuke whispered, trying not to gain the attention of the fangirls who seemed to be growing in numbers

"Well What!" Naruto was obviously clueless to the situation.

"Are we gonna do it or what?" Sasuke pressed on, "We don't have much time..."

"Are you fucking serious!" Yup. Naruto had not heard Gaara, all he heard was Sasuke ask him to do it with him... "That will just excite them!"

"Look... we're running out options... just make your moves and I'll follow..." Sasuke did not even consider the double meaning in his words...

"And how will this help!"

"Just do your sexy-thing and we'll get out of here..." The fangirls began to draw closer, "And make it a quicky..."

"Fine..." he wasn't sure how this would work, but he had trusted Sasuke... He moved in for the kill... he embraced the Uchiha, kissing him passionately... Sasuke pushed him off of him, embarrassed to be naked... kissed in public...

"What the hell are you doing!" Sasuke screamed furiously, "Haven't you been paying attention! Use Sexy-No-Jutsu! Now!"

"Oooooooooh.." It was now all clear to him, he quickly performed the Jutsu, followed by Sasuke and they both made a break for it, unnoticed by the fangirls, who where currently speaking in tongues... As soon as they reached the safety of the street the lived on, they stopped to catch their breathes, Sasuke quickly changed back into his normal state.

"Damnit!" Sasuke screamed at Naruto, "Why can't you do anything right!"

"Why does everything have to be about sex with you!" screamed the naked blonde woman, "Everything that comes out of your mouth is SEX! SEX! SEX!"

"Or maybe it just sounds like sex to you because you have a dirty mind!" Sasuke defended, "You Moron! We could have been killed!"

"You know what!" Naruto screamed, "You have no right to talk, Mr. Naughty" Sasuke blushed at the mention of his bed name, given to him by Naruto when they where playing cops and robbers.

"Let's just go home..." Sasuke was fed up. Anything the could argue about now could wait until they were fully clothed. Naruto agreed as they continued on their way to the apartment, with much luck, they made it to the front door without anymore fangirl-related disturbances... It was only then when Sasuke realized his worst nightmare...

He left his keys in the back pocket of his pants... He was locked out of his home, stark-naked

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well! what do you think! anxiously awaits reveiws 


	4. Toilet Talk

Hello people and welcome to the fourth chapter of my fic.. I am uber-happy to have made it this far... I had alot of things to say, but I seem to have forgot... oh well...

THANK YOU TO ALL MY REVIEWERS! I know that reveiwing can be a hassle at times... but I just want to say thank you to those who did... I really enjoy your Input...

Also..I disclaim. I do not own Naruto... BUT I DO OWN SASUKE'S SOUL! I BOUGHT IT ON EBAY!

well without further ado... Chapter 4 of Premarital Bliss... I like to call it... Toilet Talk...

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"Fuck!" Sasuke banged his head against the wall in complete frustration, "What the hell are we gonna do now!" He glanced over at Naruto, who had yet to turn back into his average male self...

"What are talking about?" Naruto obliviously commented forgetting, temporarily of their situation, being naked in public, sore from a nights worth of 'gutter lovin,' chased by rabid fangirls, AND stuck outside they're apartment with no keys...

"Don't play dumb you moron! How are we gonna get inside with no fucking keys!" Sasuke had had enough for one day. He was fed up with all the antics, all the mishaps, and especially of being naked. He collapsed in the hallway floor and began to pout and scream at the top of his lungs... oh yeah... Sasuke was acting like a big naked baby.

"Shh... Sasuke..." Naruto bent towards him, in an attempt to soothe him and get him to calm down a bit, still in Sexy-No-Jutsu form I may add... "Relax... we'll get through this..."

"Oh yes! We will survive after the fangirls have their way with us! Barely! But hey! we'll live right!" Sasuke cried, kicking the floor.

"Could you just chill out for a moment, shut-up and act your age," Naruto blurted out, upset by Sasuke's childish actions.

"Oh now you're all mature? After you came home drunk? After you tried to steal my pants? Really mature of you, Naruto! So very intelligent!"

"DON'T BE A MEANY SASUKE!" Naruto whined, annoyed by his reverted state, "would you be this upset if I told you we weren't locked out?"

"where are these keys? In your back pocket I presume? Too bad we're naked, huh!" Sasuke glared at the blonde woman, "Unless you have them up your ass somewhere, I don't see how YOU could have keys!"

"I don't have keys..." Naruto smirked, "but I don't lock the doors either..." Sasuke gazed in amazement as Naruto simply turned the knob and opened the door..

"..." Sasuke was speechless.

"What now asshole!" Naruto smiled, "I forgive you though!"

"..." Sasuke was shocked, he had embraced his inner child for nothing... Naruto pranced into apartment and quickly changed back into his normal self. Followed by Sasuke who had slowly gotten up from his tantrum and had slumped into his favorite chair He let out a soft sigh... God it never felt so good to be home... Finally relieved of the humiliation and all his problems he hoped this episode had come to an end... How could he have predicted what was to happen next?

"Well I'm dirty!" The blonde stated, leaning against the kitchen counter, "And I see that you are quite filthy yourself..."

"What an keen observation, Captain Obvious..." Sasuke teased, no longer fazed by their troubles, "And I assume you have a plan to rid us of this overwhelming filth, Captain, before it gets out of hand?"

"Why of course I do, Cadet!" Naruto pounced at the unaware boy, landing in his lap, "Hurry! Carry me to the shower and make a man out of me!"

"Oh, but Captain... that will only make us dirty little boys... who happen to be cleaned up.." Sasuke nibbled at the squirming blonde, "But an order is an order.." Sasuke then hoisted Naruto up into his arms bride-style and began his race bathroom... Only to find the most disturbing scene imaginable between Itachi and Kisame...

"HARDER!" Kisame blubbed, partially submerged under the water...

Itachi increased the strength of his motions with no luck...

"HARDER DAMNIT!" Kisame panted... unsatisfied by Itachi's movements

"I CAN'T!" Itachi screamed in defeat, "I'm too tired..."

"I told you weren't cut out for this!" Kisame scolded the exhausted whore, "Now go get something slippery so we can lubricate my head..."

"Whatever.." Itachi turned around to head for the kitchen to get some butter... Too bad a shocked Naruto and Sasuke where in his way...

"..." Sasuke stared in awe with Naruto still in arms... how the hell did this happen? A part of him was extremely curious and wanted to know how they had gotten themselves into this, the other part of him just wanted to bang his head against the wall and hope what he saw was just a part of his imagination... Naruto on the other hand was far intrigued to do either and just stared at the fallen pimp... who happened to have his head stuck in their toilet.

"Little Brother! Back so soon?" Itachi laughed nervously, aware that all four of them were stark naked, "Your probably wondering why Kisame is... umm... well you see... we wanted to know if there was really Teenage-Mutant Ninja Turtles in the sewers so... we played Rock-Paper-Scissors and he lost and... so... I shoved his head into the toilet... but then I realized... The Turtles live in New York City..."

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Kisame cried... grateful he had gills...

"Ninja Turtles, My ass! Why where you here in the first place!" Sasuke yelled, infuriated by his older brother's stupidity

"Well.." Itachi smirked, changing the subject he walked towards the two boys "Let's just say, I wanted to continue from where we left off last night, little brother..."

"What happened last night?" Naruto innocently asked, hanging on to Sasuke

"Get away from me you pervert!" Sasuke screeched, blush across his face, "No-Nothing happened Naruto! Nothing What-so-ever!"

"Actually," Itachi hinted his threat, "Quite a bit of things happened... Things that I might tell you... things I might not. Things I might have on camera... Do you understand my dear brother-in-law?"

"Not at all..." Naruto glared at Sasuke, he knew that something was up and had to do with

the two of them, "but one question... WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NAKED... IN OUR BATHROOM?"

"Well see... umm... The Mac-Daddy and I wanted a second go and the car was a mess from last night... He suggested we get a room, but then I thought... wait a minute! my brother isn't home! we can totally just go there and trash his house..."

Lets just say that Sasuke was not too happy about that response and in a fit of anger had dropped Naruto on Itachi's feet. Naruto had gotten angry and had kicked Sasuke in the shins and Itachi began to cry over his stubbed toe. Sasuke had tried to apologize to Naruto, but was quickly given the silent treatment. Itachi began to run around claiming mental anguish from his injury and had threatened to sue. Five minutes later Itachi was already on the phone with his lawyer and Sasuke was still begging for forgiveness, from the ever-upset Naruto. After ten minutes of the lawyer explaining to Itachi that he had no case, Itachi finally took things into his own hands and stomped on Sasuke's foot. Sasuke then screamed in pain and kicked Itachi in the balls, then realizing they were all still naked, he blushed, turned away, and continued in his quest for Naruto's forgiveness, which he had achieved three hours later when Itachi was still rolling on the ground in agony threatening to hire a professional hit man to 'take care' of them. Kisame continued to struggle in the toilet as everyone else ran around being stupid. He thought he saw a Turtle, but it ended being something I'd rather not mention. Only were their random, idiotic actions interrupted when they where reminded of the outside world with a phone call from their good buddy, Mr. Telemarketer.

"NO I DO NOT NEED A LOOFA!" Sasuke screamed, hanging up the phone, "Why the hell do they keep calling here anyways!"

"They have it out for us!" Naruto joined in, "They are working with the Yeti and Big-Foot to destroy the Human Race and collect foot jam in jars and sell it to the aliens to make a massive profit.."

"Naruto..." Sasuke looked at him, questioning Naruto's sanity, "You need to cut down on the X-files..."

"But..." Naruto pouted sexily, "It makes our sex out of this world..."

"No. It makes you all paranoid." Sasuke knew where this was going... the usual Sasuke-Naruto pointless banter... A argument that was as irritating as it was arousing... Due to the fact that they almost always lead to sex...

"DOES NOT!"

"does so..."

"DOES NOT!"

"does so..."

"DOES NOT!"

"does so..."

"X-FILES IS DA BOMB AND YOU KNOW IT!" Naruto screamed crossing his arms and sticking out tongue.

"Whatever, moron... The Twilight Zone could kick it's as any day..." Sasuke smirked this was WAY too easy...

"YOU EVIL SON OF A BITCH!" Naruto pouted, flailing, his arms...

"Hn." Sasuke was basking in the glory... winning yet another pointless argument against his pointless rival.

"THE X IN X-FILES TURNS ME ON!" Naruto shot back, one final attempt to gain control.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Sasuke screamed, taking one below the belt.

"HAH! WHAT NOW BITCH!" This fight was definitely Naruto's win... or was it?

"OH YEAH!" Sasuke thought for a moment, "Umm... YO MOMMA SO FAT SHE WENT OUTSIDE IN A RED DRESS AND THE NEIGHBORHOOD HOLLERED HEY KOOL-AID!"

"OH HELL NO!" Naruto yelled in anger, "YOU DID NOT JUST DIS MY MAMMA!"

"Yo mamma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!" Sasuke pressed on.

"Two can play at this game!" Naruto glared at the cocky boy, "Yo mamma is so ugly your Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye!"

"Your mamma is so big when God said let there be light, he asked her to step out of the way!"

"Yo mamma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!"

"Yo mamma is so ugly she looks like Kisame!" Sasuke shot back, convinced he had finally won. But with the mention of his name, a certain angry shark-man intervened.

"THAT HURTS YOU KNOW!" Kisame cried from underneath the toilet seat.  
"MAC-DADDY!" Itachi quickly ran to his side, embracing him, "Don't cry Mac-Daddy!"

"I wish I was pretty!" Kisame whined, "Then I wouldn't have to Pimp! I could achieve my dream and become a Rodeo Clown!"

"It's okay Kisame!" Itachi began to rub his back, "You still have me!"

"FUCK YOU!" Kisame shouted, "YOU SHOOVED MY HEAD IN THE CRAPPER AND LEFT ME HERE FOR OVER THREE HOURS!"

"Oh yeah... I forgot about that..." Itachi smiled, "Did you see the turtles yet?"

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Kisame screamed, unwilling to spent another second within the waters or the toilet.

"I DON'T KNOW HOW!" Itachi cried, "We need a plumber..."

"But not just any plumber..." Kisame chimed in...

"We need Mario."

Sasuke and Naruto stared in utter confusion. Were Kisame and Itachi ever going to leave? Was there ordeal ever going to end? Were they going to be naked forever? One this was certain though... In a world where your brother is a whore and fangirls run amok, there is no room for a little man in a red jumper to come and save the day.

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Well... that's all you get for now... OH YEAH! NOW I REMEMBER! This is what I wanted to know... What do you guys think about Uchihacest? I am considering putting a little bit into the story, but If you guys don't like it then I won't... also should Naruto have an affair with a Mango? again it's just a thought... I want to keep this story interesting to me so I will continue... any thoughts on future pairings would be most appreciated... I am always open for constructive critism and flames as well!

Equality 2596... Signing off.


	5. The Pink Hentai

Hello Friends... It is sad to say that this is the final chapter ofPremarital Bliss... THE GRANDE FINALE! Thank you to all my reviewers for making this fic possible and thank you to all of those lurkers who increased my hit count... Thank you all for your support and/or lack of it...

Also... this chapter is dedicated to my #1 reveiwer... **xLostSoulx**! because along with the others, have brightened my days of creating this fic... Let me honor you with a drabble-one-shot-thingy of whatever pairing you want... CRACK, FLUFF, ANGST, SMUT (though my smut really sucks...) WHATEVER YOU WANT!

Okay... back to the ficcage...

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Well lets see... What do you do when your brother's pimp's head is stuck in the toilet and your boy friend has to go? Would you A) grab a plunger and start jerking on his head like no tomorrow B) Chop him into tiny biodegradable pieces and flush him down C) let the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have there way with him ...or D) run around naked screaming at your brother who happens to be to busy playing solitaire to even give you a second thought... Can you guess what Sasuke did?

"Why the fuck are you still here!" Sasuke yelled, pacing back and forth, "Get your ass up and fix this mess before I call the cops!"

"sure... little brother... whatever you say..." Itachi mumbled, nearly completing his solitaire game.

"Get your Shark-boy out of the toilet!" Sasuke screamed at his older brother, who was in his own little world.

"uh-huh..." Itachi had just about won...

"Naruto has to use the bathroom..." Sasuke patience was wearing thin, "And I swear, so help me god, if he pisses on the floor or on anything! I WILL KILL YOU..."

"Damnit…" Itachi whined, disappointed as ever, "This deck is missing the King of Spades..."

"Have you even been listening to me!" Sasuke snapped, infuriated by the circumstances he was put in.

"Of coarse not." Itachi smiled, not giving a damn about his brother's uncontrollable temper, "Did I give you the impression that I was?"

"FUCKING ITACHI!" Sasuke screamed in utter frustration, "Get your fucking pimp out of the fucking toilet before I fucking make you regret it!"

"Geez..." Itachi looked at his brother in disgust, "What big words coming from such a little boy..." Sasuke was about ready to attack his brother in complete hatred, but unfortunately for him there was a knock on the door...

"Sasuke-kun! Naruto-kun!" Sakura yelled loud enough for everyone in the apartment to hear, "Open up! It's me!" Sasuke looked around in cold shock. What the hell was he going to now... If Sakura saw him like this, all naked and sweaty, he knew the rumors would never stop... Especially when he was all naked and sweaty with three other guys, one who's head happened to be in the toilet...

"COMING SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto merrily screamed, hopping towards the door. Sasuke stopped him in his tracks.

"What do you think you're doing!" He screamed at the unaware idiot.

"Answering the door!" Naruto pushed Sasuke aside, "It's rude to keep guests waiting!" Naruto continued walking to the door...

"NARUTO! WAIT!" Sasuke screamed at the top of his lungs, trying to stop Naruto from opening the door.

"Look Sasuke," Naruto frowned at the Uchiha, "I know you don't like Sakura, but she is our wedding planner and she is our friend. Now you can either be rude and leave her out in the cold and be known as Sasuke the Asshole... Or you can let her in and be known as Sasuke the Forgiving..." Sasuke flinched remembering how Sakura had tried to seduce him the week before... Naruto began to turn the knob of the door slowly opening it to reveal a very disturbed Sakura...

"WE'RE STILL NAKED YOU MORON!" Sasuke screamed, grabbing his hair in frustration...

"Oh yeah..." Naruto blushed as he realized he was still not wearing any clothing, "I forgot about that..."

"..." Sakura stood there in a state of shock and pleasure, her face red from embarrassment, her nose wet of blood. Today was possibly the best day of her life... She had gotten to see both Naruto and Sasuke naked... And in the back of the room she thought she saw a very kinky man, who went by the name of Itachi...

"Close the door!" Itachi moaned, rubbing his hands together, shaking, "My body is cold and in need of something hot, tasty, and pleasurable!"

"Like what Itachi?" Naruto innocently asked, Sakura's nose began to overflow as pools of blood seeped onto the flow...

"You'll find out Naruto-kun..." Itachi winked at the blonde, "I'll make some especially for you!" Naruto smiled at Itachi, for getting about the googly eyed-Sakura..

"What ever it is..." Sasuke sighed looking at his brother lie on the couch suggestively, "Make me some too while your at it..."

"With pleasure, my dearest brother," Itachi gave him a suggestive look, "Do you take yours with cream on top?" It was too much for Sakura to handle, she felt slightly dizzy from the lack of blood... Naruto looked at her, remembering she was still there...

"Where are our manners!" Naruto smiled at the pink-haired mess, "Would you like to join us Sakura for some..." Sakura feinted on the floor right before she could hear the last word of the sentence...

"Coffee?" Naruto looked at her, wondering what had caused her to feint... he thought for a moment... "OH YEAH!" He beamed, realizing the route of the problem, "WE ARE ALL NAKED!" Sasuke rolled his eyes... sometimes he had wondered why he had pick the blonde... why he was so turned on by his stupidity...

"Okay. We all need to put some clothes on before Sakura wakes up," Sasuke stated his plan, "And then Itachi needs to get a plunger and pull out Shako from the toilet, and leave."

"There is a flaw to your plan, Sasuke," Itachi smirked, "Kisame and I left our clothes at the dry-cleaners..."

"And what if I like being Naked?" Naruto pouted, unwilling to listen to the headstrong Uchiha, "It is soooooo comfy!" Sasuke looked at him in shock... what the hell was going on...

"And you know you like it too!" Naruto smiled at the boy, "Or else you would have put clothes on a long time ago!" Sasuke looked at him self, perhaps the dobe was right... perhaps he had become...

a nudist.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Mmmm.." Sakura awoke from her sleep to find herself in an unfamiliar setting... The floor of Sasuke and Naruto's living room... Suddenly It hit her all at once, SHE HAD SEEN THEM NAKED! She hopped up screaming for joy, with tears of joy running down her tears, recalling the word that had driven her to feint...

"DAMNIT!" She scolded herself, cheeks red with embarrassment, "They were all doing naughty things... while I was sleeping..." she looked around to see if anybody was around, she then caught a glimpse of a note left at the door for her...

Sakura-

Well... wasn't this an odd way to walk up on us?

I would say sorry, but by the stupid expression on your face it seems you enjoyed it... So I will not apologize for being completely and utterly nose-bleed able. It's funny... A while back you called me a pervert for being with Sasuke, you called me a 'home wrecker' despite the fact that you and Sasuke were not even together... And now you feint at the mere sight of us being naked together? Naughty, Naughty! What impure thoughts you have Sakura, such a sicko...

Well on another note, we will no longer need your services, finds out Sasuke and I are quite comfortable being naked, and on impulse, we have decided to elope! Our honey moon will be spent at a nudist colony... Sorry... I knew you were looking forward to planning our wedding, but think of it this way! We'll send you pictures of the ceremony... I know you want to see us in the nude... doing stuff... but guess what? I am going to ad in 'CENSORED' bars on the pics... I don't want you 'abusing' our images...

Well that's about all I have to say... Oh! When you get a chance... wash your face, and if by chance you look in a mirror before you do... remember this. I didn't do it. It was all Itachi's Idea... I just gave him the markers... and a couple suggestions... DON'T KILL ME PLEASE!

Your good friend,

Naruto

PS: If it is not to much trouble... could you help Itachi? He is probably in the bathroom panting right now... He is in great need of assistance... but it's not what you think, you pervert. His gay-shark-lover's head is stuck in a very interesting place...

Sakura sighed... a typical Naruto note... She slowly walked to the nearest mirror to view the blonde's handi-work... She had hoped Naruto had at least had the common decency to use washable markers... or at least, markers that would wash away after the third scrub...

"..." she was shocked at what she saw... there was two red marks coming down from her nose and in big letters on her forehead... the word:

"HENTAI"

She ran to the kitchen sink, grabbing a sponge, scrubbing her face until it felt raw... she began to cry in pain as she walked back to the mirror to inspect her face, To her relief she had washed away the drawn in bloody nose, but much to her surprise the word "HENTAI" was still intact...

Damn you, Naruto!" She screamed, "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"

Her muscles began to bulge, her skin turning a bright pink, Her clothes, not tearing, because the author of this story is heterosexual. But the word, "HENTAI," still intact...

She was the Hulk.

Sakura-style.

"SAKURA SMASH!" The creature known as "Pink Hentai" screamed, running through the apartment randomly squishing things...

"SAKURA ANGRY!" The Pink Hentai made her way down the hall to the bathroom, hearing naughty phrases from Kisame to Itachi...

"YOU ARE STILL NOT PUSHING HARDER!" Kisame screamed, still inside the toilet, "THIS LUBE IS NO GOOD! WHERE'D YOU FIND IT?"

"In the Pimp-mobile!" Itachi said, panting from exhaustion, "Next to your dirty magazines..."

"WELL GET SOME BUTTER OR SOMETHING!" Kisame whined, now having spent a whole day in the toilet, "MY HEAD IS NOT GONNA LUBRICATE ITSELF!"

Pink Hentai stopped in her tracks, she knew something had to be done... So with he ultra-smashing capabilities she smashed through the door of the bathroom and looked at the two naked men.

"SAKURA HORNY." The Pink Hentai uttered as she analyzed the situation... Itachi quickly maneuvered himself around her, running as fast as he could, leaving his pimp behind...

"Look... Err... You don't want me!" Kisame pleaded for his life, "My heads in a toilet! I'm unsanitary! I have more STD's then a Gay Pimp Daddy! ...bad choice of words..." Pink Hentai looked at the talking man in the toilet... god... he would not shut-up! She had no other alternative but to...

"SAKURA SMASH" Sakura then banged the top of the toilet, causing it to split in two... Kisame then lifted his head out of his personal prison!

"I'm free!" He screamed running around in relief, "MY HEAD IS FREE OF IT'S EVIL HOLE!" Kisame then went out of the bathroom, for the first time in twenty-four hours and ran out of the apartment, leaving the Pink Hentai all alone.

"SAKURA SAD..." The pink Hentai then sat in the bathtub humming "Who Let the Dogs Out" until Sasuke and Naruto finally came home... Which was two weeks later...

The moral of my sick and twisted tale? Well that's simple... Alcohol can either ruin your life... or turn you into a nudist with a big pink thing running after you...

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**THE END**

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Dude... I love you all... Thank you for being the best readers in the whole frick'n world... 


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